Bipolar disorder is a serious mental illness that affects millions of people every year. It is a complex disease that has many different facets, and is almost impossible to explain to those who don’t suffer from it. In spite of that, it is common to see it portrayed on TV and in movies in a simplistic, sensationalized way.
There are a number of truths that those of us who suffer with bipolar disorder know all too well. Things that only someone with bipolar disorder can fully understand and relate to. Understanding bipolar disorder is impossible without recognizing the following.
Mania And Depression Are States Of Being
People often associate mania with excessive joy or positivity, and depression with excessive sadness. But while these things may be characteristics of mania and depression, they can only begin to describe what these states are like.
When you’re manic, you feel so high that it is impossible to imagine the depression you have felt in the past. And when you are depressed, it is impossible to imagine how you ever felt anything but existential despair. They are not emotions, but states of being. They are associated with certain emotions, but those emotions are circumstantial.
This is why happy occurrences or memories cannot penetrate one’s depression, and sad or sober thoughts will not burst a manic bubble.
These Are Not Mood Swings
People unfamiliar with the actual symptoms of bipolar often think that it describes someone who experiences intense mood swings. One moment they’re happy, the next they’re sad.
But we know that they are the furthest thing from mood swings. A manic episode can last months, as can a depressive episode. When you are in the grips of one of them, you experience them fully. Your moods will not change suddenly, no matter whether you want them to or not.
There Is Such A Thing As Too Much Pleasure
When we feel manic for the first time, it seems like the best thing that could have ever happened to us. We have never felt this good. We didn’t know it was even possible to feel this good.
But this is a case where “too much of a good thing” is only the tip of the iceberg. Mania wreaks havoc that certainly comes back to haunt you when the manic period ends. However, even while you are manic, you can sometimes see how the intense pleasure of feeling this way is bad for you. It can begin to feel like its own type of hell. Struggling to get to sleep or stay focused on one thing, because there are too many things worthy of your focus, you can feel like you’re going mad.
You also begin to feel disconnected from other people. A normal range of emotions is necessary for human connection. If you laugh at a funeral, for example, you will alienate almost everyone else.
Episodes Can’t Be Outthought
Because others don’t understand that manic and depressive episodes are states of being rather than emotions, they sometimes think we can get over them if we just think through things. They will explain to us why life is actually really good, and how much we have going for us, while we’re in the midst of a depression. Or, conversely, they will explain why our mania is inappropriate in the circumstances, that all is not well, or even that we are not the great person we seem to think we’ve become.
But understanding bipolar disorder means understanding that mania and depression cannot be outthought. We are not depressed because of faulty thinking. No amount of rational explanation can change the facts as we see them. And, indeed, there is a truth to what we are seeing, although we are only able to see life through a depressive lens.
And we are not manic because of faulty thinking either. We may have started seeing patterns that others see as crazy, but for us, in the grips of mania, it makes total sense. Once we’re no longer manic, we cannot begin to understand how we thought what we did, but that doesn’t help during the episode.
We Can’t Beat It With Willpower
Similarly, we can’t beat bipolar disorder with willpower. Understanding bipolar disorder means recognizing that it is not a choice. We are not choosing to focus on the negative or believe in the impossible. We cannot turn off our thinking or feeling with willpower. Telling someone going through a depressive episode to be positive is akin to telling someone with a broken leg to walk it off. The chemicals in our brains do not work according to our wills, just as broken bones don’t just work if we tell them to.
Substances Can Seem Like Our Only Option
For this reason, many people suffering from bipolar disorder begin to abuse substances. Substances affect the chemicals in our brain almost immediately, like nothing else can. We cannot force ourselves to go to sleep during a manic episode by “Zenning out,” but we can take sleeping pills or drink alcohol. We cannot feel less depressed by telling ourselves how good we have it, but alcohol and other substances can alleviate it temporarily.
Ultimately, most of us understand that it is likely to lead to major problems in our lives, but in the moment, temporary relief from substances can seem worth it. If you feel like you cannot go on for another moment like this, substances begin to look like the only option.
Dysfunction Is Not Our Fault
The life of a bipolar person can seem like a mess of their own making. From the outside, it might seem like we made bad decisions, as if we became addicts to have fun, or ruined relationships because we thought too much of ourselves.
However, during an episode, personal choice is extremely limited. Especially before receiving treatment, it may be impossible to do anything differently. Treatment can help us learn to put measures into place to prevent ourselves from making harmful decisions, and can help us find an anchor in the midst of an episode. But no matter what the case, we are not choosing dysfunction.
Understanding bipolar means understanding that there is a lot we can’t control in our lives. We live in a world in which personal responsibility is touted as the key to everything, and that with hard work anything is possible. Struggling with bipolar disorder, you learn the hard truth that this is not so.
Those who have not suffered from bipolar disorder but wish to understand it, will need to be humble enough to accept that they would face the same issues were they to suffer from the illness.